Friday, September 30, 2005
Quotes from stupid 01
Aha! Jokes > Idiot Jokes > Quotes from stupid 01: "Quotes from stupid 01
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
'The effects are fleeting and lingering...' - Overheard in a hallway
'In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.' - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
'A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.' - Announcer on KZOK radio
'He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!' - CBS baseball announcer
'An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement.' - Irish Politician on RTE radio
'This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation.' - BBC world service.
'We have two incredibly credible witnesses here.' - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)
'He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet.' - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal"
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
'The effects are fleeting and lingering...' - Overheard in a hallway
'In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted.' - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
'A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across.' - Announcer on KZOK radio
'He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!' - CBS baseball announcer
'An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement.' - Irish Politician on RTE radio
'This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation.' - BBC world service.
'We have two incredibly credible witnesses here.' - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)
'He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet.' - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal"
Penis Wants A Raise
Penis Wants A Raise: "Penis Wants A Raise
Author: Unknown
Submitted by Unknown on 08-10-2000
Genre: Shortie, Rating: 3.53, Suitability: R
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
1. I do physical labour
2. I work in great depths
3. I have to go in head first
4. I do not get days off, weekends or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I work in high temperatures
7. My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from Management:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for a raise
based on the following criteria:
1. You never work 8 hours straight
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4. You do not stay in your workstation area, often you visit
other areas
5. You take many non-scheduled breaks
6. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order for you to begin your work
7. You leave your workstation messy after your shift
8. You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the
correct protective outfits
9. You don't wait till pension before retiring
10. You don't like to work double shifts
11. You have been observed entering and leaving the work place
carrying two suspicious bags"
Author: Unknown
Submitted by Unknown on 08-10-2000
Genre: Shortie, Rating: 3.53, Suitability: R
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
1. I do physical labour
2. I work in great depths
3. I have to go in head first
4. I do not get days off, weekends or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I work in high temperatures
7. My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Response from Management:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for a raise
based on the following criteria:
1. You never work 8 hours straight
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4. You do not stay in your workstation area, often you visit
other areas
5. You take many non-scheduled breaks
6. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order for you to begin your work
7. You leave your workstation messy after your shift
8. You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the
correct protective outfits
9. You don't wait till pension before retiring
10. You don't like to work double shifts
11. You have been observed entering and leaving the work place
carrying two suspicious bags"
